When a woman is considering you as a sexual or romantic partner, she’s honing in on more than how you look or what you present to the world materially. At the instinctual level, she’s detecting whether you can protect and care for her. Instinct is about survival. Can you ensure hers and your own? Can you bang another man over the head, so to speak, and bring home the buffalo?

It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t need your money, or that she’s powerful in her own right. Her instinct drives her to chose a man who can command certain outcomes in his life. How confident are you (men) that you can direct and create the outcomes you desire in your life? This will powerfully affect the degree to which women feel sexually attracted to you!

Dear Men: Do you have any idea the kind of power shift you could affect with any woman if you learned to sometimes, even occasionally, say “no?”

One of the reasons women stay on top sexually is that they say “no.” Your desiring sex, more,  balances the tables in a woman’s favor. We are the choosers. You are the beggars. Think about it.

Learning to say “no” now and again gets a woman thinking. It gets her wondering, and it gets her turned on! Suddenly there’s a challenge, instead of an always ready, always hungry and always eager sex animal in her midst.

Nice guys. You believe you’re different from other men. You’re not just after sex like the other guys. You care, really you do.

And it shows. You listen. You do sweet things. You go out of your way to demonstrate it’s more than sex you want.

But in the end it’s sex you want, and, what’s frustrating is you don’t get much. You get relegated to the “friends” category a lot.

Nice guys do finish last and not because they’re nice. It’s because they are acting as if they’re not really men.

Somewhere along the line men got the idea that if they could just squeak by as “not really men,” they’d get more women to trust them and more sex.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because women do want men. And they happen to be sexually attracted to men who act like men and feel like men.

Granted, women have been hurt by men and don’t like men who are only after sex, but they are still attracted to men, nonetheless.

When you pretend to not be sexually interested, she can’t feel you as a man. She can’t feel a sexual attraction. Your sex has gone under the radar.

Know that a woman wants to be sexually desired. And, as long as you’re clear and upfront and don’t hide your sexual intent, she’ll trust you. You don’t have to seem sexless to gain her trust.

It’s pretending you’re not interested in sex, or that you just want to be her friend that breeds mistrust. Be expressive of how you desire her and are turned on by her, and also that you enjoy and “get” who she is. This is a winning formula!