How To Get and Keep a Woman: Three Essential Aspects of Your Behavior

What Women Want

Men, in order to attract a wonderful woman who is also worthy of your long-term commitment, it’s essential that you are aware of what women need and desire, and how YOU must be, within yourself. Here are some important points to get you started.

What a woman wants is a man who is unashamed of his sexuality, who commands his desires by way of his confidence. She wants a man who doesn’t apologize for being a man.

A woman wants a man whose own confidence and certainty stretches her to move through her own fears with intimacy and lovemaking, to deeply embrace and surrender into pleasure and loving.

A woman wants a man who will “demand” sex from his heart, yet who doesn’t take “no” as a personal rejection, but as a challenge to deepen his mastery. A woman wants a man who declines sexual handouts and deal-making for sex, and refuses sex that isn’t mutual and fully conscious.

The “Easy Sex” Trap

Too often men are afraid of losing the sexual “opportunities” they are presented, whether they’re single or married. So choosing “conscious sex” over “available sex” can seem like a choice for having less sex, or being “less of a man” for turning down every sexual opportunity, and that can become a trap. You have to let go of your willingness to have a second-rate sexual experience, devoid of true intimacy and deep connection, to get the sexual gold.

Would you rather have a fully consensual, fully engaged partner who desires you and whose desire builds for you, or one who gives you sex to get you off her back (pun intended) and satisfy some unconscious deal with you?

What You Must  Do To Attract and Keep a Woman

If you want a deeply satisfying, highly fulfilling relationship in AND out of the bedroom, you’d be wise to choose to limit your sexual experiences to those that have the potential for what you seek.

Here are three aspects of how you MUST act if you want to walk the master’s path of sexual fulfillment for her and deep satisfaction for you, and an emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.

Of course, these are just the beginning of a lifelong and rewarding journey.  But without practicing and mastering this approach, you’ll never be powerful in her eyes, and she’ll never surrender to you, as she desires.

1. Be OK with being a sexual man and make no apologies for your sexual desires.

Stop feeling guilty about wanting sex with her, if you do. This does not mean she owes you sex and this does not mean you force it. Its simply means that you embrace your own sexual desires, express them toward her without reservation, and then respond to her in accordance with her desires and invitations.

2. Stop acting like a beggar who needs to “earn” sex.

Never do things that you think will win you sex. That always backfires. She knows what you’re up to and you lose points and respect.

3. Don’t accept any form of sex that isn’t mutual and loving.

If you take advantage of disengaged sexual quickies (with women who you aren’t in a committed relationship with) simply because the opportunity presents itself, why would she ever give you something more meaningful? You may think that YOU got what you wanted, but you’d be fooling yourself. SHE got what she wanted, and she doesn’t necessarily want more. To attract and keep the quality woman you desire and deserve, demonstrate the integrity you want her to see, and that you also want her to bring to the relationship.

So there you have it. Three essential elements to how to “be” within yourself in order to get and keep the kind of woman who you want to be with, and wants to be with you.

Leave Your Feedback!

What do you think? Are these three things essential, or does your experience prove otherwise?

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

One of the most common questions women ask about dating is “Why doesn’t he call back?”

While recently interviewing Dr. Wendy Walsh, she was asked this question by one of our listeners. Without missing a beat she said,  “Because he got what he came for.”

Ouch! It felt like a mother’s admonishment.

As hard as it is to hear and to accept this about men, this bit of wisdom contains more than a grain of truth.  I’ve had at least a hundred men back up this claim in our private sessions. I’ve heard a hundred women cry over the men who didn’t call them back after sex.

It’s not that men are predators out to hurt us and rob us of sex. They simply have different motivations. The sooner we get this, the better for all of us.

Let me explain: We women have a “Let’s date and see how it goes” attitude toward sex. We like to check a man out. See how he behaves on a date; see how he shows up in the world. See if he’s excellent in life.  If we really like what we see and feel, and sense a possibility with him for relationship, we go for sex. It’s an investment.

A man has a “Let’s have sex and see how that goes” attitude. He’s not opposed to relationship; it just comes after sex, in his mind. Let’s see first how this sexual connection pans outs and then I’m open to possibly more.

It would be like if someone said to you as a woman: “Looking for some hot sex?” you might think, “ Well yeah, but first let me find someone I’m attracted to, like and trust.”

Men think this way about relationship. They’re looking for a trusted sexual source that feels vital, real and sustaining. If that goes really well, they’re way more open to relationship. Relationship for men evolves out of sex and deep connection through sex.

When you try to get a man to talk about relationship before he is sexually primed, he just gets scared or turned off, the way you might as a woman, if he pressured you to be sexual with him, before you felt trust and a heart-connection.

Here’s where it gets complicated and sticky: If you give him sex too soon because you want a relationship with him, before he feels an emotional connection with you, he will most likely not call you again. There is nothing more for him to pursue; he got what he came for, as Dr. Walsh states.

So if a man wants sex first and a woman wants trust first, and if you give a man sex too soon and he walks, how do you ever make relationship happen?

As a woman you need to modulate the interaction. A man will jump into bed, it’s his nature. It’s the woman’s job, if you will, to hold his interest, to play in the sexual energy, and to masterfully let the connection between you deepen BEFORE you get into bed.

You know when there’s an emotional connection and when there isn’t. If you’re jumping into sex with a lot of questions and concerns, you’ve likely not build an emotional connection.

Once you have a clear emotional connection, and you feel trust that he wants more with you than sex, then be sexual with him, but do it openly and talk first about concerns and desires.

Then if the sex is good and deep and feels vital and sustaining, he will want more with you. And you will have a man who is deeply interested and engaged with you as a lover.

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.