Posted by Karen Brody in 
How often have you gotten into bed with one women – only to discover weeks, months or years down the road she wasn’t the lover you thought she was?
This is exactly what happened to John who married Rita. He thought he’d married a very sexy woman who adored sex, only to discover she could take it or leave it with the same dispassion she gave to mustard or mayonnaise.
I said to John, how well did you know Rita sexually before you decided to marry her?
Well, we had a lot of sex that’s for sure. What do you mean know her?
As in her fantasies, her sexual concerns and turn offs. What did you know about her rhythm, and what she considered to be a satisfying sex life?
That interview didn’t happen, he said.
Like so many unfortunate couples I meet, John married his idealized version of Rita that
Had nothing to do with the REAL Rita.
Rarely do people ask the deep, penetrating questions that ferret out the nitty gritty information you need to make an informed choice about a long-term lover or a spouse. Usually far too much is assumed.
What really turns her on? I asked John.
Well, I don’t know. I just do what I always did that used to work and now it doesn’t. She won’t tell me.
No of course she won’t because you NEVER asked. And now, the damage is done.
She doesn’t think you care.
With no history of asking the KEY questions and sorting out the truth, John and Rita moved into a deep, uncomfortable space of silence and assumptions about one another.
Soon they were relating to each other across an immense gulf of misunderstanding,
And sex was off the table!
So what’s the anecdote? Well, I’m excited by a book I’m reading called: “500 Questions for your Lover,” by Michael Webb. It’s intense. But I see it as a beautiful remedy for couples who are stuck in this very place, or for someone considering marriage.
Sometimes it’s awkward to ask the right questions. But if you say, “Hey I’m reading this great book, let’s play with some of the questions,” it can be a fun, titillating game — which leads to some really big wins for both of you.
The SEX questions get you men turned on and prepared to please her, and women LOVE the intimacy.
Is he/she the one?
Or, did you choose the WRONG partner?
This book is your way to find out.
All Contents International Copyright Karen Brody 2010. All International Rights Reserved. Contact the author for permission to reprint, or simply link to this article here.
