Do you ever wonder why the woman you’re with suddenly withdraws her sexual interest?

Do you ever wonder if it’s something you did or could have avoided?

The good news is that this unfortunately all-too-common dilemma can be avoided, simply by understanding how sexual dynamics work.

If you’re like 99 percent of red-blooded men, you’ve probably said or thought something like this in your lifetime: “I’m always ready for sex.”

Maybe you told your partner, “Anytime.” And if you’re like a lot of men, you reminder her of this everyday, yet it doesn’t increase her desire to have sex with you.

It seems normal to want sex all the time – if you’re a man. But women find such exuberance suspect. For women, the desire for sex is driven by so many shifting external and emotional factors that to be always “on” and always “hot” seems a bit disconnected from everything else.

The question that comes to women’s minds is: “Can this be love?”

Often when I help clients explore their always-ready sexual pattern, there’s an unconscious belief that a man “should” be ready. He “should” be ready because he’s a man and men are supposed to want sex – any kind of sex, anytime. Even if they’re not attracted, even if they’re married, even if there’s no emotional connection.

For men, “fear of scarcity” also affects readiness. “I’d better take it while I can get it.”

Even men who are married and get a good deal of sex or, who have enjoyed success with women casually, still have this always-ready switch turned to “on.” Having a lot of sex doesn’t guarantee a man will relax and bask in his abundance.

A man’s constant need, want and eager “trot to the gate” is not only exhausting, but leaves no room for a woman to want. Just as a man’s perception of scarcity fires him up to be a ready and eager partner, a woman’s lack of scarcity leaves her without an appetite. She lives at a virtual sexual buffet, where sex is always on the table.

A woman wants to be desired, make no mistake about that, but your being primed at the gate is not about your desire for her.  She perceives this as more about you and your pressing physical urges. So issuing a “no” is easy for her.

How to Become the Lover She Secretly Wants

If you’re under 50, testosterone can drive you to want sex, a lot. It can override your ability to think clearly and to be present. Until you reign in your sexual energy and master it, your sex drive will run you and negatively effect how your partner feels about being sexual with you.

Listen to your woman when she says: “All you ever care about is sex” because the deeper communication is:  “I don’t believe you love me. You only want me for sex.” She can sense the difference between your instinct to release, and your desire to make love to her.

It requires know-how and practice to master your innate, primal sexual desire. As you work on mastering this, you can also gain the skills for mastering your orgasm and ejaculation.

Your ability to “master” your instinctual urges makes a woman feel safe, and feel respect for you.  When she feels safe, that you in “in control” of your sexual experience, she can open herself up completely to you, and to her own pleasure.

By mastering your sexual domain, you demonstrate love and a desire to express love, and this will turn any woman into a more interested lover.

If you don’t already have my “Get Her and Keep Her!” audio program, get it now to master how to hold a woman’s sexual interest and get all the sex you want! This is the very best program on web for deeply connecting with what SHE wants in and out of bed.

http://www.getherandkeepher.com

All Contents International Copyright Karen Brody 2010. All International Rights Reserved. Contact the author for permission to reprint, or simply link to this article here.

I had a client consultation a few days ago by someone referred to me. He told me he’d be “interviewing” several prospects.

As I listened to him talk about the issues with his girlfriend – one of those being that she isn’t grateful for all of the opportunities his income provides – I could hear many openings for healing.

He turned that “captain of industry” energy on me ultimately, and asked, “So what makes you qualified to be my counselor?”

Men tend to jump toward challenges like this, where women tend to retreat. It’s like trying to get nectar from a tree by hitting it with a bulldozer.

This is a classic example of a man using a dominant style of relating to engage a woman. He applied force instead of gentleness, and what that did is force me to retreat and withdraw my heart.  You can’t pound the loving essence of out someone.

The point here is don’t challenge a woman like you challenge your men friends, if you want to connect with her and elicit her loving. Instead cherish and encourage, and gentle her to open her heart to you. This will always produce the sweetest nectar.

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

How To Get and Keep a Woman: Three Essential Aspects of Your Behavior

What Women Want

Men, in order to attract a wonderful woman who is also worthy of your long-term commitment, it’s essential that you are aware of what women need and desire, and how YOU must be, within yourself. Here are some important points to get you started.

What a woman wants is a man who is unashamed of his sexuality, who commands his desires by way of his confidence. She wants a man who doesn’t apologize for being a man.

A woman wants a man whose own confidence and certainty stretches her to move through her own fears with intimacy and lovemaking, to deeply embrace and surrender into pleasure and loving.

A woman wants a man who will “demand” sex from his heart, yet who doesn’t take “no” as a personal rejection, but as a challenge to deepen his mastery. A woman wants a man who declines sexual handouts and deal-making for sex, and refuses sex that isn’t mutual and fully conscious.

The “Easy Sex” Trap

Too often men are afraid of losing the sexual “opportunities” they are presented, whether they’re single or married. So choosing “conscious sex” over “available sex” can seem like a choice for having less sex, or being “less of a man” for turning down every sexual opportunity, and that can become a trap. You have to let go of your willingness to have a second-rate sexual experience, devoid of true intimacy and deep connection, to get the sexual gold.

Would you rather have a fully consensual, fully engaged partner who desires you and whose desire builds for you, or one who gives you sex to get you off her back (pun intended) and satisfy some unconscious deal with you?

What You Must  Do To Attract and Keep a Woman

If you want a deeply satisfying, highly fulfilling relationship in AND out of the bedroom, you’d be wise to choose to limit your sexual experiences to those that have the potential for what you seek.

Here are three aspects of how you MUST act if you want to walk the master’s path of sexual fulfillment for her and deep satisfaction for you, and an emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.

Of course, these are just the beginning of a lifelong and rewarding journey.  But without practicing and mastering this approach, you’ll never be powerful in her eyes, and she’ll never surrender to you, as she desires.

1. Be OK with being a sexual man and make no apologies for your sexual desires.

Stop feeling guilty about wanting sex with her, if you do. This does not mean she owes you sex and this does not mean you force it. Its simply means that you embrace your own sexual desires, express them toward her without reservation, and then respond to her in accordance with her desires and invitations.

2. Stop acting like a beggar who needs to “earn” sex.

Never do things that you think will win you sex. That always backfires. She knows what you’re up to and you lose points and respect.

3. Don’t accept any form of sex that isn’t mutual and loving.

If you take advantage of disengaged sexual quickies (with women who you aren’t in a committed relationship with) simply because the opportunity presents itself, why would she ever give you something more meaningful? You may think that YOU got what you wanted, but you’d be fooling yourself. SHE got what she wanted, and she doesn’t necessarily want more. To attract and keep the quality woman you desire and deserve, demonstrate the integrity you want her to see, and that you also want her to bring to the relationship.

So there you have it. Three essential elements to how to “be” within yourself in order to get and keep the kind of woman who you want to be with, and wants to be with you.

Leave Your Feedback!

What do you think? Are these three things essential, or does your experience prove otherwise?

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

When I interview men who want better sex with their partners, it’s the same disheartening dialogue again and again. It’s like a bad broken record.

“I like sex more than she does. She’s just not that into it. I don’t know why she’s not that erotic. I love it when she climaxes and I’m really into being inside of her, and I’d love to try new positions, and ….I want to figure out how to turn her on.”

Even as the “therapist,” I’m bored. Why is it so challenging for men to get that we don’t care about what you need to achieve in bed?

If you want to turn a woman off in three seconds, just get really graphic about all of the things you want to try and do. Yuk.

It’s not that we don’t like these acts, we just don’t like the way you talk about them.

There’s no intrigue when you name positions. Tell her what you want to do to her in the way you look at her, or you savor your wine — how you feed her, or moan when you place your hands under her ass — or in how you smell her hair, or push her up against a wall and eat her alive with your eyes.

Men talk about sex and give away all of the details, when what turns women on is anticipation. It’s the possibility of what you’ll do and how she’ll feel with you that makes her ache for you.

Don’t tell her on a date that you give great tongue. Demonstrate it once you’re in bed. When you tell her, you spoil the fun. Now, she’s not in the play of her imagination, she’s wondering if you can possibly live up to your claim. Chances are you can’t.

“My wife doesn’t like to try new positions.”

This is because you haven’t learned to do the basic ones with any finesse.

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

If there is one thing I could get men to truly “get,” it’s that there is no magic bullet for how to please a woman – whether that’s in bed or out.

But men will search because that’s what men do. Men solve problems. She’s not sexually satisfied? Well, let’s fix that.

I’ve got to give men credit: They try hard. They go out and seek that answer because doing good by women is in their nature.

Initially, they don’t want to believe that there isn’t a magic bullet – that the path they’re on is a dead-end. Everything else can be solved by finding a solution. Is this a cosmic joke? Is she trying to hurt me, to disable me?

But when they open to it, men get that women are not to be solved, but to be loved and appreciated, and through that embrace there is great pleasure and joy with women. By letting go of the quest to “solve” women, a man surrenders and opens to love.

What women want isn’t definable in the way of a phrase, or a specific action, or a technique in bed. What women want is true greatness in a man.

Yes, being a sensitive, attuned lover has its benefits, but it’s greatness that gives shape to what lasts and to what inspires a woman’s love.

A woman wants a man who isn’t easily defeated by her disappointment, by her moodiness, by her anger, by her criticism, by her dreams. She wants a man who can love though it and see through it, and bring forth her loving core with his own.

To be a woman is to be a contradiction – not because women are trying to be difficult. It is simply the nature of being feminine. She is wired to emotions, to feeling, and everything she does is tied to her desire to be impeccable in love.

If you can make space for the feminine, not fight with it, not try to fix it, a woman will blossom and shine in your presence. If you can encourage her femininity – her sense of the world through feeling, emotion and love, she will support you in your quest to be great.

Men often make the mistake of trying to be great in bed before they’ve learned to be great lovers in the realm of the heart. This is because men tend to find love through sex, where women find sex through love.

If you really and truly want to learn how to please a woman, encourage her femininity – her path of learning to be great through loving – and be sensitive to that path, as like yours, it is mired in challenge, disappointment and triumph!

When she complains, when she is stuck in the intricacies of relationship and self-doubt, help her love through it – this is her purpose in life.

When you can be a champion for her purpose she will love you deeply and fiercely – and she will give you the gift of sex that is passionate, and from her heart.

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

I like to say that how you make love is how you do everything. Think about it.

If you hold back, if you rush through, if you avoid deep engagement, isn’t this also how you are in the rest of your life?

Sexcess is about making love to your whole life! It’s about taking the most desirable qualities from Great Lovemaking (connection, passion, pleasure, openness, growth, joy) into the whole of how you live.

So imagine this: if you simply focused on the quality of your lovemaking, how that would affect everything you do! I’ve seen miracles happen when people open to lovemaking in a deeply connected way.

Want more money? Greater Joy? Make love more. You getting the theme here?

A sexcessful person makes love to life. There is no separation between how you make love and how you live, and this has to come out of making love.

You can do a bang up job at your work and it might affect your connection as a lover, it might not. But, be better in bed and it WILL affect work. It will affect earnings and quality of relationship. That’s the magic of lovemaking – it permeates everything – and the result is always, unequivocally, more love.

Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.

My porn use is hurting my wife and our relationship. I don’t know if I’m addicted. Can you help me figure out if this is an addiction, and if so, how to quit?

Porn addiction is like any other addiction: It’s unconscious behavior acted out repeatedly to the detriment of your of well-being. It’s no different from nicotine addiction or alcohol addiction, or anything else you believe yourself to be addicted to.

What distinguishes an addiction from other habits in your life, is that an addiction has a negative effect and negative consequences on your life.

Porn is not bad or good, right or wrong, but it can be a real problem for you. It seems you are already experiencing this.

The problem for most men (or women) addicted to porn is that porn is a substitute for real intimacy and sexual pleasure with another human being. If you already have challenges with sexual intimacy, porn addiction makes it worse. Just as you can’t become adept at socializing by talking in chat rooms, you can’t become masterful at love and lovemaking, by watching other people make love.

When you get stuck on the idea that porn itself is the problem, you stop looking for the kind of solutions that work. You start thinking that porn is the enemy you need to fight.

Most so-called porn experts will tell you that you must eradicate porn from your life — that you must launch a full-scale “war” on porn. Porn is not only NOT the problem, but it is only a symptom of the REAL problem.

You don’t “have” to quit using porn. Let’s get that straight. You don’t “have” to do anything about your issue. You can use porn until the cows come home. However, if you want, and choose, to have a sexual relationship that is highly fulfilling and deeply satisfying, that is loving and intimate, you will need to make the choice to let go of porn. Porn is simply a substitute for deep, loving sexual connection. When you let it go, you make space to experience what you’ve been avoiding, or have simply never learned to cultivate.

Negative motivators do not work well.  If you say, “I have to quit porn because it’s ruining my life,” you’re using a negative consequence to force a positive change. Negative motivators are rarely sustainable.  If negative motivators worked, nobody would continue to smoke cigarettes. They’d look at the negative consequences (clearly substantiated by science) and quit. But that doesn’t happen.

While you can’t successfully use a negative motivator to inspire a positive, long-term change,  you can use a positive motivator to inspire a positive change!

Find your most compelling reason to let go of porn. What is it you most want? Is it to feel sexually free and unencumbered by shame? Is it to feel love as you make love? Is it to experience Spirit in sex? Whatever your ultimate and most desired experience, this is your focus. This is where you invest your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Once you align your thoughts, feelings and actions with your most authentic desires for sexual connection and wholeness, porn will lose its hold on you, as what’s real and deeply satisfying takes its place!

Karen Brody, all copyrights reserved 052709

How do we harmonize with the “opposite”sex?

The key is that we have to first develop understanding. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with one another. What causes the gap between the sexes, in and out of bed, is a general lack of understanding.

We ASSUME more about the “opposite” sex than we actually know.

In order to know more, you have to be WILLING to know more. Most of us prefer to assume because we can exercise control within the confines of our own minds.

It’s also human nature to fear what we don’t know. Our response to someone different is often fear.  Out of fear we can make the other wrong or bad, rather than seek to understand what it is that makes us different.

Where it concerns men and women we are caught in an exhausting psychological battle.  If you’re different from me, are you more or less than me?

What we miss is that in our differences we are complementary. We are not the same. And through recognition and acceptance that we can relax our guards, drop the armor and find the play in being elements In harmony.

Are we truly opposite? No, that would mean that we’re opposed. To be opposite one another is simply a perception. When we learn to harmonize through greater understanding of one another, we shift this perception to one of being ONE – a truth in alignment with the physics of the universe.

What we’ve been taught instead is to fight – to assert our wills  – to fear that the opposite sex will outshine us, rather than complement what we are.

The first step toward greater harmony is to seek to understand. If we think we understand, we stop inquiring. We stop exploring. We assume we have all of the answers.

The remedy is to start asking and seeking the answers to the questions you’ve been afraid or reluctant to ask. Instead of assuming your partner’s motivations, you simply ask. “What motivated you to say that or to do that? When you did X, what were you thinking about? What do you mean when you say that?”

The best course for learning to harmonize with the “other” sex is to assume nothing! This opens up a whole new way of interacting. You interact with your partner like you did when you first met, with curiosity and excitement, instead of apathy.

Whatever stories you’ve been making up about your lover will start to unravel, and a new person will evolve – one that is less mysterious and less frustrating. With practice and dedication, the gap between you will draw closer, and greater interest and appreciation for one another will grow!