Connecting = More Sex, Period

More SexWant to know how to get more sex?  Two years ago I interviewed 100 women to find out why they lost interest in sex in their long term relationships, and the conclusion was simple and fascinating.

Ninety-eight percent of the women interviewed explained that they lost interest when they felt the connection was lost.  When I asked how they defined connection, 98 percent said that they connect by way of talking and sharing feelings and experiences.

Probably not a huge surprise, guys. But if you have ignored this fact, and now find yourself wondering what happened and why there’s a gulf between you,  you might want to consider some heart to heart talking.

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Why is she so disrespectful to me?

What causes her to be so disrespectful?  Consider this: You may not be keeping your word and you may not even be aware of it.

Do you know when you’re giving your word? For a lot of men giving your word needs to rise to a level of formality, in which you look deeply into a woman’s eyes and swear upon pain of death that you will do something, or that something is the truth. It’s pretty obvious that you are staking your integrity and trustworthiness on that declaration. But what about that comment you make in passing that you will pick up the dry cleaning, or get the movie tickets, or take her out for dinner, or make the plans for a family vacation?
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Ask for Her Input, You Need it

Magic Yoga - Moonlight MeditationWhy should you ask for her input?  It may infuriate you that your woman’s insight into relationships and people’s emotional states is more highly attuned than yours. It may not make a lot of sense to you when your woman says she doesn’t feel good about somebody, or when she explains that your mother-in-law’s mood was triggered by your refusal to eat cake. But if you deny her input and her wisdom on these matters, it’s like breathing through a mask with the air supply cut off.

Can you imagine having a wingman you didn’t trust? A woman is your emotional and spiritual wingman. She sees your blind spots. She senses when you’re in danger. She’s like a thermometer in terms of giving you the temperature of how you’re coming across to others. She lets you know when you’re kidding yourself, when you’re holding back, when you’re not in alignment with your truth. You need her watching out for you, just as she needs you. Denying her insights, her perspectives and wisdom is as dangerous as ignoring your wing man when he says, “bear right.”

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Be Her Knight in Shining “Mirror”

Be Her KnightHow can you be her knight?  Why does a woman light up when you compliment her or see something in her others miss? Why are women are so eager and so responsive to this kind of attention and validation?

I can’t tell you exactly why women yearn to be seen, unveiled and deeply known, that’s part of the feminine mystery, but I can tell you that it’s how we are. Painters, photographers and sculptors have always known this about women. We seek illumination—to be seen and loved in the eyes of others.

The visual artist uncovers what others tend to overlook, unveils what has never been unveiled –and this is what makes a woman come alive in his presence and under his gaze.

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Why Do You Love Me?

Why Do You Love Me?When you say, “I love you,” a question pops into your woman’s head that all women hear and want to have answered, not just once, but often: Why? Why do you love me? Why do you love me today, and why did you love me all those years ago when we met?

Sometimes she’ll outright ask it of you, and you panic. You know why you love her, but do you really need to spell it out and prove it to her? It feels like a test, and one you’re not going to pass.

Know this: Women don’t ask, “Why do you love me?” to challenge you or make you feel bad, although it can certainly feel that way. The reason women ask this is that specifics are what make love believable to us.

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Your Masculine Power is the Answer

shutterstock_25723627If you’re like most men I guide, you’ve been looking for the key to unleashing your woman’s desire for a very long time. It’s not that you only care about sex, but the fact that your woman seems not to desire you, creates a bit of an obsession and a fear.

Naturally, you want to solve this problem and have the passionate connection you want.  But sometimes it seems hopeless; it seems you’ve tried it all.

So, you lie in bed at night and ask: Is this it? Should I have an affair? Should I leave?

Of course you want to inspire your woman’s desire. It’s a big piece of how you feel loved. You do all you can for your woman and you want to feel it matters. Her affection and her desire for you give you that sense that you’re on the right track that you’re succeeding at love.

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Sometimes it Really is About the Sex

A client of mine, “Patrick” is a man dedicated to turning around his marriage.  Kiss What we’ve been dealing with is his wife’s sudden declaration that she has lost her libido.

His wife assures Patrick it has nothing to do with him, but he senses it does. They suddenly went from having a really sexy connection, over three years together, to his feeling that she has locked out of her body, mind and heart.

At first blush, it seemed that the problem was communication.
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Are You Her Dark Knight, or Mr. Yes?

shutterstock_137449862Your woman isn’t going to tell you this, but if she’s like most women I counsel, she wishes you were a little more aggressive, edgy and even dangerous in bed.

I’m aware that many of you have spent 10, 20 or even 30 years trying to refine the animal impulse you in you.

Thing is, when we wanted men to be less aggressive, it wasn’t in bed.  We wanted our emotions respected and tended to. We wanted empathy, tenderness and appreciation. Over time you gave us these experiences. What we didn’t ask was that you become passive and disconnected from your sexual passion. And yet, when that happened we didn’t know what to do.
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Sticky: Revive Her Drive…

RHD Woman In His ArmsGuys, if you’re in a relationship where the passion and connection have fizzled or even dried up, and you’re frustrated and angry, you’re not alone.

Without even talking to you, I know what you’re going through and I know what your woman is feeling too.

Your sense of security, success and desirability as a man – it all goes out the window when she pulls away and closes you out. It’s devastating to wake up one day and realize that you have no idea how to get your woman back — how to hold her again without her squirming away — how to penetrate her dark moods and lack of joy. She’s not really telling you why she’s lost her sexual passion.
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