Posted by Karen Brody in 
How To Get and Keep a Woman: Three Essential Aspects of Your Behavior
What Women Want
Men, in order to attract a wonderful woman who is also worthy of your long-term commitment, it’s essential that you are aware of what women need and desire, and how YOU must be, within yourself. Here are some important points to get you started.
What a woman wants is a man who is unashamed of his sexuality, who commands his desires by way of his confidence. She wants a man who doesn’t apologize for being a man.
A woman wants a man whose own confidence and certainty stretches her to move through her own fears with intimacy and lovemaking, to deeply embrace and surrender into pleasure and loving.
A woman wants a man who will “demand” sex from his heart, yet who doesn’t take “no” as a personal rejection, but as a challenge to deepen his mastery. A woman wants a man who declines sexual handouts and deal-making for sex, and refuses sex that isn’t mutual and fully conscious.
The “Easy Sex” Trap
Too often men are afraid of losing the sexual “opportunities” they are presented, whether they’re single or married. So choosing “conscious sex” over “available sex” can seem like a choice for having less sex, or being “less of a man” for turning down every sexual opportunity, and that can become a trap. You have to let go of your willingness to have a second-rate sexual experience, devoid of true intimacy and deep connection, to get the sexual gold.
Would you rather have a fully consensual, fully engaged partner who desires you and whose desire builds for you, or one who gives you sex to get you off her back (pun intended) and satisfy some unconscious deal with you?
What You Must Do To Attract and Keep a Woman
If you want a deeply satisfying, highly fulfilling relationship in AND out of the bedroom, you’d be wise to choose to limit your sexual experiences to those that have the potential for what you seek.
Here are three aspects of how you MUST act if you want to walk the master’s path of sexual fulfillment for her and deep satisfaction for you, and an emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.
Of course, these are just the beginning of a lifelong and rewarding journey. But without practicing and mastering this approach, you’ll never be powerful in her eyes, and she’ll never surrender to you, as she desires.
1. Be OK with being a sexual man and make no apologies for your sexual desires.
Stop feeling guilty about wanting sex with her, if you do. This does not mean she owes you sex and this does not mean you force it. Its simply means that you embrace your own sexual desires, express them toward her without reservation, and then respond to her in accordance with her desires and invitations.
2. Stop acting like a beggar who needs to “earn” sex.
Never do things that you think will win you sex. That always backfires. She knows what you’re up to and you lose points and respect.
3. Don’t accept any form of sex that isn’t mutual and loving.
If you take advantage of disengaged sexual quickies (with women who you aren’t in a committed relationship with) simply because the opportunity presents itself, why would she ever give you something more meaningful? You may think that YOU got what you wanted, but you’d be fooling yourself. SHE got what she wanted, and she doesn’t necessarily want more. To attract and keep the quality woman you desire and deserve, demonstrate the integrity you want her to see, and that you also want her to bring to the relationship.
So there you have it. Three essential elements to how to “be” within yourself in order to get and keep the kind of woman who you want to be with, and wants to be with you.
Leave Your Feedback!
What do you think? Are these three things essential, or does your experience prove otherwise?
Karen Brody, copyright 2009. All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author.
What I don’t like about how this is framed is that it makes it as if the man has to turn into a performer and fulfill several requirements A, B, C, and that women _want_ a men who does A, B and C. Therefore, if you are a man and want to “get” women, you need to do those things. Why do you frame it as if women were something that a guy has to go and “get”? and needs to learn to become or perform according to certain guidelines. Maybe why I get triggered by this is that I grew up in an environment where the men (me) were taught to “get” as many women as possible by performing, saying and doing and behaving in a certain way that women are supposed to fall for (and by the way, it does kind of work); this is also the story in fairy tales: the prince working really hard in order to get the princess. What’s missing here for me is something about seeing the other person as a person and allowing the woman to see YOU, to see how you really are, and most importantly, once I “get” the woman by giving her what she “wants” in the manner of confidence, honesty, etc.,etc. then what?, what about the fact that we are not perfect, that is so hard to change, that we are going to be together with each other as imperfect people who are definitely not always confident about their sexuality, that might have unconscious mixed motives about things, etc.. This post is asking me to change, but is there room for the other person to see me and to meet me where I am at. The question is, is there a different way of looking at this that doesn’t involve the guy learning some tricks about what women like in order to “get” them? Is there a way where they guy doesn’t have all the pressure to constantly be something different than what he is right now?
Dear Ramiro: Sounds like this has hit a sensitive place for you.
I can empathize with why this would feel as if you’re being asked to change, or to win a woman, and how that wouldn’t feel good.
I’m not suggesting that men have to earn their love from women. Or that men have to change who they are. I’m suggesting that when men hold the false believe that they have to earn sex or that their sexual desires are wrong, or that what they are isn’t enough, it causes them to act in ways that turn women off.
I am in NO way suggesting that you perform. I am suggesting that by embracing yourself as a beautiful and powerful man, and as a sexual being, a woman will find you more attractive and want to make love to you more.
One point on this really hit home for me. When you wrote, “What a woman wants is a man who is unashamed of his sexuality, who commands his desires by way of his confidence. She wants a man who doesn’t apologize for being a man.” I could relate completely. This was my experience with my wife at the onset of dating.
When I showed up as a ‘really nice guy’ and ‘a good friend’ who was hoping she would connect with(romantically and sexually) she had a thousand reasons why it wouldn’t work. When I simply leaned over and confidently kissed her firmly on her lips with my eyes looking softly yet hungrily into hers I got a completely different reaction.
She initially rejected me telling me I wasn’t relationship material and she wasn’t sexually attracted to me. I didn’t apologize, collapse or try to justify what I did. My actions stated that this was my desire and I simply stood in it. Any other choice was hers to make. Later that evening, she changed her mind about me and everything that she said. Her body said to me, “Where have you been?” as we spent the night together just 4 hours after she told me I wasn’t the one. That was 3 years ago and we just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary.
Karen, great article. Really liked how empowered I felt reading it. Good stuff in sticky territory, npi. It really is up to me/men to own who we are regardless of the response. Begging/trading/dealing for sex never worked – not in the long run. Might be fun for role-playing, but not for conscious and engaged partnership or fulfilling sexual experience. As a man, I’m always aware of the games inherent in playing out our conditioned responses, but what’s really wanted is true love and authentic intimacy. It’s that journey we must be willing to take, regardless of the reactions and minefields we step in. Brave souls are we wake up with each other.
Navyo: Thanks for sharing what is meaningful for you. Yes, bargaining isn’t sustainable in the long run. We feel the falsity of it in all of our intimate interactions, and can’t fully relax and trust in love.
I love your metaphor of minefields — those scary, explosive places that require us to open more deeply and move through our obstacles with courage.
Thanks!