Posted by Karen Brody in At a party recently, a man introduced himself, shook my hand and initiated what felt like an interrogation. “So where do you live?”
I told him.
“Yeah that makes sense. I could tell by the way you dress, those kind of hippy earrings and even your eyes. You’re definitely from Marin.”
Really, I said.
Definitely. Oh you have the look. The quiet eyes, the way you measure your words.
Interesting, I thought. I didn’t realize I’d had much opportunity to speak.
Then the barrage of questions spilled forth, like an avalanche. “What brings you here? How long have you known Jessie? What kind of work do you do? What do you think of this crowd?
He seemed determined to gather information and sum me up. As much as I indicated that his intensity and pace was annoying, with curt, flat responses, he was oblivious and unaffected. The “interrogation” wasn’t about me; it was about him.
He keeps me talking, the ball stays in his court. How many women will walk away mid-sentence? It’s a control game – like juggling. I’m talking; the ball is in the air. Once it drops, well who knows? I might just walk away.
The thing is, it’s so obvious that a guy like this is trying way too hard. He’s not confident enough to just be. He has to “force” engagement.
Now there’s good tension and not so good tension. When you’re being manipulated in this way, it’s bad tension. A woman’s attraction isn’t ignited by “grinding the mental wheels,” but by surfing the waves of energy between you. That requires pausing between what is said to actually feel the ebb and flow.
Of course ask your questions, guys, you need to ask in order to interact, but also listen. Let what she says “land.”
When you’re not afraid of silence and not afraid to feel, she’ll feel you, and that’s the tension you want to mount. It’s good to express interest through inquiry, but best to relax any agenda, if you want to win her attention, and ultimately her affection.
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