How do we harmonize with the “opposite”sex?

The key is that we have to first develop understanding. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with one another. What causes the gap between the sexes, in and out of bed, is a general lack of understanding.

We ASSUME more about the “opposite” sex than we actually know.

In order to know more, you have to be WILLING to know more. Most of us prefer to assume because we can exercise control within the confines of our own minds.

It’s also human nature to fear what we don’t know. Our response to someone different is often fear.  Out of fear we can make the other wrong or bad, rather than seek to understand what it is that makes us different.

Where it concerns men and women we are caught in an exhausting psychological battle.  If you’re different from me, are you more or less than me?

What we miss is that in our differences we are complementary. We are not the same. And through recognition and acceptance that we can relax our guards, drop the armor and find the play in being elements In harmony.

Are we truly opposite? No, that would mean that we’re opposed. To be opposite one another is simply a perception. When we learn to harmonize through greater understanding of one another, we shift this perception to one of being ONE – a truth in alignment with the physics of the universe.

What we’ve been taught instead is to fight – to assert our wills  – to fear that the opposite sex will outshine us, rather than complement what we are.

The first step toward greater harmony is to seek to understand. If we think we understand, we stop inquiring. We stop exploring. We assume we have all of the answers.

The remedy is to start asking and seeking the answers to the questions you’ve been afraid or reluctant to ask. Instead of assuming your partner’s motivations, you simply ask. “What motivated you to say that or to do that? When you did X, what were you thinking about? What do you mean when you say that?”

The best course for learning to harmonize with the “other” sex is to assume nothing! This opens up a whole new way of interacting. You interact with your partner like you did when you first met, with curiosity and excitement, instead of apathy.

Whatever stories you’ve been making up about your lover will start to unravel, and a new person will evolve – one that is less mysterious and less frustrating. With practice and dedication, the gap between you will draw closer, and greater interest and appreciation for one another will grow!

Can you imagine if you went to work or exercised only when you were in the mood? Can you imagine the effects on your income and your physical shape?

And yet, this is how most of us relate to sex! We let how we “feel” dictate whether or not we make love.

Not “being in the mood’ could mean a host of things that are always shifting. It could mean you’re afraid; it could mean you’re angry. It could mean that you feel unattractive. Moods are affected by everything. To let whether you feel like having sex be a defining factor in whether you do, is not a very solid “plan” for your sexual growth and enjoyment.

Mood centered sex also enables you to avoid one another and to distance yourselves.  One of you simply says: “ I don’t feel like it,” and all hopes for a loving interaction are off.

Mood driven sex pretty much ensures you will not grow sexually because there isn’t enough consistent attention and nurturing to your connection. You can’t water a garden when you feel like it, and hope to find much alive in the garden.

Great sex and the benefits in your life, require you to make it happen even when you’re not in the mood. It’s a big step toward moving into deeper connection, graduating from sex that is about pleasure alone, to sex expressed as love!

When a woman is considering you as a sexual or romantic partner, she’s honing in on more than how you look or what you present to the world materially. At the instinctual level, she’s detecting whether you can protect and care for her. Instinct is about survival. Can you ensure hers and your own? Can you bang another man over the head, so to speak, and bring home the buffalo?

It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t need your money, or that she’s powerful in her own right. Her instinct drives her to chose a man who can command certain outcomes in his life. How confident are you (men) that you can direct and create the outcomes you desire in your life? This will powerfully affect the degree to which women feel sexually attracted to you!

Dear Men: Do you have any idea the kind of power shift you could affect with any woman if you learned to sometimes, even occasionally, say “no?”

One of the reasons women stay on top sexually is that they say “no.” Your desiring sex, more,  balances the tables in a woman’s favor. We are the choosers. You are the beggars. Think about it.

Learning to say “no” now and again gets a woman thinking. It gets her wondering, and it gets her turned on! Suddenly there’s a challenge, instead of an always ready, always hungry and always eager sex animal in her midst.

Nice guys. You believe you’re different from other men. You’re not just after sex like the other guys. You care, really you do.

And it shows. You listen. You do sweet things. You go out of your way to demonstrate it’s more than sex you want.

But in the end it’s sex you want, and, what’s frustrating is you don’t get much. You get relegated to the “friends” category a lot.

Nice guys do finish last and not because they’re nice. It’s because they are acting as if they’re not really men.

Somewhere along the line men got the idea that if they could just squeak by as “not really men,” they’d get more women to trust them and more sex.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because women do want men. And they happen to be sexually attracted to men who act like men and feel like men.

Granted, women have been hurt by men and don’t like men who are only after sex, but they are still attracted to men, nonetheless.

When you pretend to not be sexually interested, she can’t feel you as a man. She can’t feel a sexual attraction. Your sex has gone under the radar.

Know that a woman wants to be sexually desired. And, as long as you’re clear and upfront and don’t hide your sexual intent, she’ll trust you. You don’t have to seem sexless to gain her trust.

It’s pretending you’re not interested in sex, or that you just want to be her friend that breeds mistrust. Be expressive of how you desire her and are turned on by her, and also that you enjoy and “get” who she is. This is a winning formula!