A client of mine, “Patrick” is a man dedicated to turning around his marriage. What we’ve been dealing with is his wife’s sudden declaration that she has lost her libido.
His wife assures Patrick it has nothing to do with him, but he senses it does. They suddenly went from having a really sexy connection, over three years together, to his feeling that she has locked out of her body, mind and heart.
At first blush, it seemed that the problem was communication.
They were arguing a lot. He contacted me to figure out how they could talk, how he could open her to tell him what was going on. I’m an expert at figuring out how communications are breaking down, so I was able to help them talk to each other, again, without fighting.
But soon it became clear there was a deeper issue. No matter how much they talked, his wife, “Leela” kept saying she didn’t want to make love because she just didn’t feel the turn on in her body.
For me, this was a red flag. When a woman doesn’t want to be sexual, and her libido is low it’s often because she’s not feeling emotionally connected, or there is something very specific happening in bed that is turning her off.
She will say it’s her – because telling her man it’s him and what he’s doing in bed is too risky. I asked Patrick to be specific about what was going on between them sexually. It took some pressing but he was able to admit that he had a problem with ejaculating too soon.
Now, most men think this isn’t a big deal, just as Patrick did, because they’re so loving in other areas of the relationship. In one way I’d agree that sex is not everything and what you do outside of the bedroom is often more important.
However, what men don’t understand (thinking like men) is that when you can’t take a woman where she yearns to go sexually (because you’re short-circuited by lack of control) it makes it seem that all you care about is yourself and it makes you seem not very powerful in your woman’s eyes.
Now, before you protest, see it from a woman’s point of view. If you have no control over your own body, how powerful are you going to seem to this woman who looks to you to be directional – who looks to you to honor and protect her in life? If “I’m sorry” keeps being as far as you go to address the problem, her only way to see it is that you simply don’t care.
Most of my clients become very defensive on this point and argue that they do so much else, in bed and out to “make up for it.”
What they don’t understand is that you can’t make up for it. It’s like saying “Sorry I don’t love you, and don’t care about cultivating a deep connection with you. I’ll make it up to you later.” The effects of this are deep and damaging – for both of you.
For many years I’ve directed my clients to Mantak Chia’s book, “The Multi Orgasmic Man.” Most of my clients have had incredible results with Chia’s protocol, and I also assigned this book to Patrick. However, I’d always wished there was a more interactive program for men who learn auditorily or visually – and I’m excited to report, now there is!
My friend, Jim Benson, who is a Relationship Coach for Men, (a very wise teacher with great integrity) has an excellent program out. If you’re struggling with this issue, trust me overcoming it will change everything for you. You’ll get the respect and desire you’ve always wanted in bed, and overcome your woman’s loss of “libido.”
Don’t be like most men who try to do this on their own or tell yourself this is a test to see how much she loves you. It will only continue to diminish your woman’s trust and desire for you. I’ve met ONE out of thousands of men in my coaching practice, who succeeded at this without some kind of training.
Here’s the video you can watch to learn more and see if this is a fit for you: http://bit.ly/13XrDcf I’m excited about this program because it’s so much more than mechanics. It teaches you how to not only make love as long as you’d like, but to deeply connect in a way that stimulates your woman’s love, trust and desire for you. I wish you the best!
By Karen Brody, All copyrights reserved, 2013. Please contact the author for permission to reprint this article.