Awakening the Dark Knight…

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photography-beautiful-young-couple-love-portrait-image36937232If you’ve read the Dark Knight chapter in my book, Open Her, you know that a woman wants a man to push her sexual edge, when the conditions are right.  She wants a masterful lead, to stretch her outside of her comfort zone.

What you may not have given thought to is how to create those safe conditions. A woman will only welcome the lead of the Dark Knight when she feels emotionally and physically safe with him.

A great metaphor for this is scuba diving. In the hands of an experienced dive master – one who communicates caring and sensitivity for each person’s safety and well-being, I can relax underwater and really embrace the dive. I know he’s got my back if anything bad goes down. Oppositely, in the hands of a dive master who’s not truly attentive, who doesn’t create a sense of safety, I’m inclined to hover near the surface to play it safe.

Sex is the same way for a woman. You’ve want to lead her in bed in ways that inspire trust and a desire to let go with you, so that she can dive more deeply into connecting with you and her own pleasure. If you push a woman to take risks that aren’t supported by a safe space and reliable direction, she’s simply going to shut down and cling tightly to what feels safe.

So what makes a woman feel safe? Here are 3 things for you to consider and practice:

1. Attune to where she is. What would make her feel good and connected to you in any moment? You might ask: How would a massage feel to you? How would a hot bath feel?

Before a dive master takes you below the surface to any depth, he checks in to see if you have enough air, weight on your belt, to see if you are emotionally ok. Then and only then does he give you the go ahead to go for the dive.

2. Check in. I love when the dive master does a face-to-face check in. With his right hand, he signals “ok,” and if all is good, you do too. This helps me breathe easier knowing that he’s got his eye on me. Likewise, this kind of check in feels good in bed. Stopping to look into a woman’s eyes or to attune your breath to hers and get a feel for where she is, creates safety, which encourages her to let go and feel more pleasure.

3. Invite her feedback. This wants to be really simple, not a conversation. Check ins like: “This pressure ok for you? Are you warm enough? Is this ok with you? May I enter you? These questions let her know that nothing is going to happen to her that is unexpected or unwelcome. It says that you respect her space and her body.

Too often when a man pushes a woman to try out new things in bed, he does so without concern for how it will affect her sense of safety, and she closes down. The more you practice these three key steps, both in and out of the bedroom, the more a woman will feel relaxed and open to the direction you wish to take her. petals

By Karen Brody. All copyrights reserved, 2014. Contact the author to publish any portion of this article

Is your Love Life in the Weeds?

400_F_27162099_Z6oTmYS3hYRUT0elJ5YkfJzU3quJqpTGA relationship is just like a garden. When it’s well-tended to, a garden blooms into a thing of wonder. It delights and surprises you with endless possibility. On the other hand, when a garden is ignored or begrudgingly maintained, it survives, but its beauty and its potentiality are greatly diminished.

I’m often astonished at how many of my clients expect their relationships to be gardens of wonder and sensual possibility, when they devote so little time or energy to their care. So many of them barely pull out the watering can on the weekend, and then look around years later and judge that their relationship is “not working,” as if love and passion can thrive on an occasional drop of attention or intention.

If you’re looking at your loving partnership and thinking it’s not what you hoped it would be, or that there’s something better for you “out there,” have you considered your gardening skills? Have you tended to your love consistently and with inspired action? Have you weeded out negativity, blame, criticizing, and other unloving behaviors? Have you committed to grow love by becoming better at it? By learning the skills that breed success?

Love is either evolving or it’s dying. Stagnation is love’s worst enemy.

So if you’re looking around and knowing your relationship is truly stuck, even dying on the vine, and you’d like to develop your skills for loving and being a better lover this year,  I want to invite you to a free event I am co-creating called, “The Passion Evolution Summit: Unlock the Keys to Lasting Love, Relationship & Sex!” It’s a virtual event, featuring 18Top-Notch Relationship Experts, including John Gray, Warren Farrell, Marci Shimoff, Carol Allen, Susie and Otto Collins, David Van Arrick, Yours Truly, and many more — Jan. 13 — 21, 2014. Sign up free here and get yourself on the road to making love the way you really want! SIGN UP HERE, NOW

The beautiful thing about passion and love is that they are so responsive and forgiving, all you need to do is seed, water and weed and it blooms!

Passion Summit Banner small version

P.S. After you SIGN UP, check your inbox for the daily interviews, beginning Jan. 13!

Increase Your Masculine Power — Ignite Feminine Desire…

Kissing coupleI have a core philosophy that is the key to my success with men and couples:

When men know and leverage their masculine power masterfully, they excite women and ignite their desire for sexual intimacy!

This is counter-intuitive to men! If you’re not able to command the outcomes you want in love, and feel you’re always scrambling to make a woman happy and to get physical with her,  listen in as I go deep with the sexy, Allana Pratt of intimate conversations this Thurs., Aug. 22.

If you sign up on her site,  you will get the notification and call in information, and her other fascinating interviews on intimacy. She is an extraordinary woman to watch.

This interview and what I reveal to men and women is worth 10 years of relationship therapy;  I kid you not. Sign up now, and don’t let this game-changing information slip away:

http://bit.ly/1dmCyDI

What Women Want

Zen GartenWe want a lot of things, probably too many for this post, so I’m going to share the one thing that could turn around your relationship, today. Get curious: I hear so many of you say you know nothing about women. Well, what are you waiting for? What if you suddenly took an interest in really knowing the woman you’re with? What if you asked her what she cares about, what’s meaningful for her, how she wants to be loved, what she dreams about? What if you asked: What are you feeling?

Instead of trying to “get it right” how about just getting interested? This is what you did when you were dating, and it lit her up and made her feel that she mattered to you as a human being.

All copyrights reserved 2013. Please contact the author for permission to reprint this article.

Connecting = More Sex, Period

Two years ago I interviewed 100 women to find out why they lost interest in sex in their long term relationships, and the conclusion was simple and fascinating. Symbol of yin and yang of the background.

Ninety-eight percent of the women interviewed explained that they lost interest when they felt the connection was lost.  When I asked how they defined connection, 98 percent said that they connect by way of talking and sharing feelings and experiences.

Probably not a huge surprise, guys. But if you have ignored this fact, and now find yourself wondering what happened and why there’s a gulf between you,  you might want to consider some heart to heart talking.

It’s not just talking, btw. These women described it as talking “about us.” Talking about a future, making plans, in other words “we” talk.” When you talk about the “we” a woman feels loved, cherished and closer to you, and feeling close equals feeling turned on.

All copyrights reserved 2013. Please contact the author for permission to reprint this article.

Take this little survey, Win a Prize…

Present box with silver ribbon bowHi, I’d like to better understand you, MEN that is. As much as I think I know, there’s still MUCH to learn about you.

If you’ll take my 7 question survey, I will put you in a “hat” to win a session with me at the beginning of every month! I know you don’t want your name printed on the blog, so I’ll need you to hit “Contact” and tell me you took my survey. If you just take it, your responses will come through
ANONYMOUSLY. When you contact me, I will not pitch you any services. I will simply put you in the drawing for the complimentary session valued at $120.

THIS SURVEY IS ONLY FOR: Men in committed relationships. Thank you so much for your input. It really means a lot!

http://es.surveymonkey.com/s/YTYWCP2

Why is she so disrespectful to me?

Consider this: You may not be keeping your word and you may not even be aware of it. Mandala Chakra Muladhara

Do you know when you’re giving your word? For a lot of men giving your word needs to rise to a level of formality, in which you look deeply into a woman’s eyes and swear upon pain of death that you will do something, or that something is the truth. It’s pretty obvious that you are staking your integrity and trustworthiness on that declaration. But what about that comment you make in passing that you will pick up the dry cleaning, or get the movie tickets, or take her out for dinner, or make the plans for a family vacation? For you, this may be somewhat under the threshold of “giving your word,” but, for her, it is the same thing. She may cut you some slack if you occasionally forget things. She probably knows how distracted you are at any moment and won’t be surprised if you don’t always follow through completely. But if you let this become a pattern, it will infect your entire relationship.

It’s best to consider anything you say you will do as being no different than formally giving your word. If you can’t do that thing, or have no intention of doing it, best to say so upfront or renegotiate your promise. Giving your word and breaking it is usually what breaks down a woman’s respect for you.

Ask for Her Input, You Need it

Magic Yoga -  Moonlight MeditationIt may infuriate you that your woman’s insight into relationships and people’s emotional states is more highly attuned than yours. It may not make a lot of sense to you when your woman says she doesn’t feel good about somebody, or when she explains that your mother-in-law’s mood was triggered by your refusal to eat cake. But if you deny her input and her wisdom on these matters, it’s like breathing through a mask with the air supply cut off.

Can you imagine having a wingman you didn’t trust? A woman is your emotional and spiritual wingman. She sees your blind spots. She senses when you’re in danger. She’s like a thermometer in terms of giving you the temperature of how you’re coming across to others. She lets you know when you’re kidding yourself, when you’re holding back, when you’re not in alignment with your truth. You need her watching out for you, just as she needs you. Denying her insights, her perspectives and wisdom is as dangerous as ignoring your wing man when he says, “bear right.”

Where it concerns what to say in sensitive situations, who to befriend, how to deal with your children’s hurt–your woman is generally more attuned than you to what the situation calls for. But it’s not just the relational plane that women see clearly. Don’t limit your woman’s input by thinking her insight only applies to family or personal relationships.

When you need a read on how to negotiate with anyone—whether it’s your mother, your boss, or your employees, it’s a really good idea to take in what your woman senses and sees. Where it concerns the unseen realm of feeling and unconscious desires, it’s like she’s got the radar and you’re just flying the plane.

Your woman helps remind you of what’s most important. When you deny yourself this vital information, you misstep and step on toes, most especially hers. Asking for her input makes her feel trusted and respected. And even if it’s only to consider what she has to say and roll it into the mix, it lets her know you value her feminine wisdom, and that you’re not afraid to shift your way of thinking. From a woman’s perspective, this makes you look both powerful and trustworthy.

Be Her Knight in Shining “Mirror”

Nude Caucasian WomanWhy does a woman light up when you compliment her or see something in her others miss? Why are women are so eager and so responsive to this kind of attention and validation?

I can’t tell you exactly why women yearn to be seen, unveiled and deeply known, that’s part of the feminine mystery, but I can tell you that it’s how we are. Painters, photographers and sculptors have always known this about women. We seek illumination—to be seen and loved in the eyes of others.

The visual artist uncovers what others tend to overlook, unveils what has never been unveiled –and this is what makes a woman come alive in his presence and under his gaze.

You don’t have to be an artist to light a woman up in this same way. If you can see  beauty beyond a means to an end, and look more deeply at a woman’s feminine complexities, you too can reflect something to her that will crack her open and intensify her desire for you.

If you think about the women you’ve known and loved, at some point I imagine each of them asked you to be specific about what you saw in them. If they didn’t ask for it, you saw it in their eyes. “What do you see as beautiful about me,” they may have asked? These were moments when that woman wanted confirmation that what you saw in her was specific and real, for her.

The desire to be seen never ends with women. It’s there every day; just as a you need nourishment or sex ongoing, a woman wants a dose of that seeing that energizes her and reminds her that she’s loved and appreciated. Think about what your partner would most want reflected to her, if she could magically get you to say that perfect thing.  Is it something about her physicality, her heart, her femininity or her gifts?

If you don’t know what she might want to hear from you, ask her: “If I could say anything to you right now that would light you up and make you feel amazing about yourself, what would that be?” Take this to heart and say it back to her.

If your ears are open and you’re curious to know how to mirror a woman in a way that makes her feel amazing, she’ll tell you (in her own way) exactly what you need to say. Your challenge is to simply tune in, and then say it.

By Karen Brody, All copyrights reserved, 2013. Please contact the author for permission to reprint this article.

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