What Makes a Woman Emotionally Attractive to a Man?

I wrote this article for the Good Men Project. It got 1.5 K shares as of March 31! It’s clear this is a key topic for men concerning women.

Side view of a couple standing on forest trail and hugging

Side view of a couple standing on forest trail and hugging

I used to spew my feelings all over my partners, making them feel, well, really bad. I thought it was my right — and that how those feelings came out of me was inconsequential. They were feelings, after all, and feelings had to be felt, to be shared, right?

So what if my “feelings” were a little ugly and stung a bit? If a man loves you, isn’t he supposed to be there for you when you need to toss that emotional bucket? Isn’t he supposed to care enough to endure what you feel? To help mop up the mess? And why does he want to pull away, drop into silence and become unresponsive when the sharing gets good? Is it that he can’t handle a true woman’s feelings?

Well, not exactly.

It turns out that tossing a man a bucket of negative emotion doesn’t make him feel empathy for you. What it makes him feel is fear or something else equally negative.  He feels the negativity because a woman is making her emotions his responsibility. That’s a big job, even a second career. What man has time for that?

It turns out that this kind of emotional dumping, without filtering, is not productive or responsible. It fact, I can tell you from experience, it’s quite damaging both for the man and the woman.

A man wants to be with a woman who takes responsibility for her feelings, who can be trusted to share feelings in a mature and sensitive way. This means that a woman actually has to own what she feels. Then she needs to be with those feelings and make sense of them, before she decides to share them with her man.

When she does talk about feelings, she wants to do so as the rightful owner, as someone who is well-acquainted with those feelings, who can offer them as a gift, as a part of herself. There is an ok time for “dumping” unprocessed emotion — if you ask a man for permission and you do it with the intent to be emptied, and, you can actually do it productively. To do it productively means that you do it with purpose – to let go of a story or whatever emotion is holding you hostage. It’s key to get to a point of release.

But most dumping just circles around feelings, circles around productivity and makes a woman feel worse. It can also make her man feel hopeless and worn out. The woman that a man appreciates can share feelings from a deep place, can even move him with her depth and insight — because of her connection to herself. That can only happen when she takes responsibility, when she goes deep within to make meaning of what she feels. And when she knows unequivocally that her feelings are hers to feel and to process.

Lastly, feelings and judgments are very different things. A woman has to watch using “I feel” as a opening for unleashing all the negative judgments she has about her partner and the world, and learn to bring “I feel” with love, wisdom and feminine sensitivity. This is what makes a woman emotionally attractive to a man and inspires his admiration, support and love.

Size Really Doesn’t Matter, but this Does…

tuning fork

Size really doesn’t matter.

If you’re a man obsessing over size, you’re wasting precious energy. You’d be better off focusing on something that actually does matter to a woman, and that’s you being able to last.

You see men often brush this off as unimportant because they believe they have no power to change it, or because they don’t understand how important it is to a woman’s sense of trust or her ability to experience the full range of her pleasure in bed.  

Men often think that an orgasm is an orgasm — and so as long as you “take care of her” in other ways, penetrative orgasms don’t really matter.

This is simply not true!

A woman who isn’t having penetrative orgasms will often feel that she’s not as bonded to you, that something is missing, or that there is something wrong with her.

Additionally, lasting actually matters because a woman translates your ability and desire to endure, to mean that you love her – that your own pleasure is secondary to a profound connection with her.

And if that’s not enough, when you make the effort to learn and practice this discipline, she trusts you — really trusts you. She doesn’t have to anticipate an untimely end to lovemaking, or put her attention on your arousal state, moment-to–moment. Instead, she can focus on her own pleasure and opening to you.

Frankly, a man who has control feels powerful!  He’s not easy knocked out of the game for lack of skill. He can play as long as he likes.

If you’re a man and caught in the trap of thinking you can’t learn to last, or you’re your partner is testing you (unfairly) by wanting you to last longer, please consider a bigger way of seeing this.

She wants to know that you can love in a way that is more expanded than an orgasm, and that you can give her the pure attention she craves. This is why she wants you to last.

Check out my friend, Jim Benson’s free VIDEO on how to give a woman penetrative orgasms by learning how to last.

He has an incredible technique called The Tuning Fork to get you on your way toward your ultimate and total mastery. I love Jim Benson because he’s a high-integrity man who’s been through the pain so many men feel around this issue, and so many women too.

There’s just no reason for a man to not have the power to determine his own sexual timing, or how much pleasure he’s capable of giving a woman. This is a skill like learning to cut the grass, or fixing the lawnmower – seriously. It’s really a matter of deciding to learn it.

Get the Tuning Fork Tool Here.

Hope you find the VIDEO training empowering!

Is your masculinity in neutral?

masculinityI teach men how to harness their masculine powers; but, until you feel masculine power deep in your bones, it’s all a bunch of ideas and words.

I’d love to help you access and wield those powers — so that you can affect a woman’s deepening love and desire, in ways that make you feel incredible as a man.

If you lie in bed at night and wonder how you got here, (maybe it’s sexless marriage or virtually sexless one) how you became a “yes man”, or someone whose needs don’t seem to matter to anyone around you, I want to show you the way of your power, and teach you to grab the leadership reins and take a woman where she secretly yearns to go.

Being passive just doesn’t cut it anymore – not for men who want complete integrity and personal power in all areas of their lives. Refusing to step up and lead in love, only takes you down a path of diminishing fun, pleasure and desire – and for many men, divorce.

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Does Porn Undermine Intimacy?

porn undermine intimacyA question asked so frequently that is warrants an answer. 

A few months ago, I presented an opportunity for my clients and subscribers to ask me questions concerning relationships and intimacy.  Believe it or not, one the most frequent questions asked was: Does porn undermine intimacy?

To be really literal here, porn itself cannot undermine intimacy, BUT, choosing it over real intimacy certainly can.

Here’s what I see a lot… it’s a classic story in my work as a coach for men:

“Tom” is married for over 5 years and notices his wife’s dwindling desire.  He begins to wonder if he can please his wife, in bed, and it weighs on him heavily.

He doesn’t know how to ask her, (and he’s afraid to know) so he spins a story in his mind that he’s not adequate in bed, or maybe she’s just not that into sex. He stops initiating lovemaking, and their connection weakens.

Feeling anxious, Tom turns to porn to feel better.

Tom finds it liberating to just watch. Nobody is judging what he does or doesn’t do. And even better, nobody has an expectation of being satisfied or feeling loved. For the first time in a long time, after his orgasm, there is no guilt.

At least that’s how it is in the beginning…

Tom is able to interact with multiple partners in one go and the thrill of the chase fills him with adrenaline. The orgasms seem more intense and pleasurable without the performance anxiety, and his imagination is fully throttled. He starts to crave a dose of this secret world, every day.

Contrast those feelings with “Erin”, his wife, and Tom feels tired before he even gets started. She feels like a handful. She needs reassurance, to be stroked and put in the mood — so much work! Where he used to enjoy seducing her and the whole warm-up process, which led to their lovemaking, his desire to connect with her now diminishes daily.


So let’s come back to the question. Does porn use undermine intimacy? It certainly can if it takes this trajectory!

And from what I know from coaching men, if Tom continues in this vein, he’ll require more and more stimulation to become aroused, and he’ll become less and less confident, as a lover, over time. 

Story sound/feel familiar?

If you find yourself getting farther and farther from what you want most in your sexual relationship, or in a dark, shameful place concerning porn, I want to suggest an outstanding program that has helped thousands of men reclaim their sexual power and discover how to have extraordinary sex lives. It’s a program created by my collegeague Jim Benson called The Multi-Orgasmic Lover. Jim is someone who’s teaching I highly respect. It’s here for you to check out. It’s a program I recommend to all of my clients. 
Jim is a high-integrity man with a lot to share with men about a powerful and profound sexuality.
You are also welcome to reach out to me to talk about shifting this for you, one-on-one. Just go to my contact page. 

How Do Men Love?

How Do Men Love?

Men are designed to want to do good things in the world. When you love a woman, you take that energy to do good and to make a difference, and apply it to that woman.

That good is expressed in the way of getting things done — fixing things, putting things into motion and solving problems — essentially striving to make a woman’s life easier. You’re happy to shoulder some of your partner’s burdens, as it makes you feel useful and effective.  It’s your way of saying: You matter to me.

Men love through their dedication (to a project). If they are dedicated to woman, she is that “project,” and you will keep delivering good things her way, as long as you feel that it provides sufficient return in the way of making her happy and creating good feelings between you.

Women often misunderstand this method of love from men, and interpret it to mean that you’re only interested in fixing things and being expedient concerning feelings and needs. She can interpret your desire to solve problems and move on, as a way to avoiding truly being with her.

If a man is in pain, or suffering through a bout of self-doubt, a woman wants to embrace him and impart to him: You are loved. You are accepted. I see you. Sometimes you might welcome this kind of feminine nurturing, but mostly, I imagine, not. Mostly you want to get into action and solve the problem, and pull the “dagger” out of your gut.  A woman wants that reassurance when she’s feeling lost and hurt, so naturally it’s what she offers to you.

While there are times that a man may be good at nurturing a woman rather than moving into action to help, taking action is his most effective and succinct way to say, “You matter to me and I love you.”

We love this about men, even though at times, we long for the soothing words that require no action at all.

“Open Her” A Spiritual Guide for Awakened Masculinity

Open Her If you’ve landed here today looking for a way to save your relationship, or sincerely shift the dynamics of diminishing desire, love and attraction between you and your partner, I invite you to read my book, Open Her. Open Her has been called a “spiritual rite of passage for men.” And “life-altering” for women. I wrote Open Her to inspire men to celebrate their masculinity,  and to embody the powers they possess to open a woman to ever deepening states of love and pleasure.    

I hope you get tremendous value out of it. Let me know. I’d love to hear from you.
By Karen Brody, All copyrights reserved, 2015. Please contact the author for permission to reprint this article.

What makes a man truly sexy?

What makes a man truly sexy?I’m often surprised by how little men understand women and what they’re attracted to in men.

Of course, if you’re a man, you look at the world through a masculine lense. When you see beauty, your kind of beauty, it compels you – it motivates you to move mountains or to walk through fire — to experience that woman and what she stirs in you.

And so you expect that women seek the same in men – and while women also are drawn to beauty, even seduced by it, we’re far more drawn to confidence. We’ll drop the phone to saddle up with a man who rocks his confidence!

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Awakening the Dark Knight…

Awakening the Dark KnightIf you’ve read the Dark Knight chapter in my book, Open Her, you know that a woman wants a man to push her sexual edge, when the conditions are right.  She wants a masterful lead, to stretch her outside of her comfort zone.

What you may not have given thought to is how to create those safe conditions. A woman will only welcome the lead of the Dark Knight when she feels emotionally and physically safe with him.

A great metaphor for this is scuba diving. In the hands of an experienced dive master – one who communicates caring and sensitivity for each person’s safety and well-being, I can relax underwater and really embrace the dive. I know he’s got my back if anything bad goes down. Oppositely, in the hands of a dive master who’s not truly attentive, who doesn’t create a sense of safety, I’m inclined to hover near the surface to play it safe.

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Is your Love Life in the Weeds?

Love LifeA relationship is just like a garden. When it’s well-tended to, a garden blooms into a thing of wonder. It delights and surprises you with endless possibility. On the other hand, when a garden is ignored or begrudgingly maintained, it survives, but its beauty and its potentiality are greatly diminished.

I’m often astonished at how many of my clients expect their relationships to be gardens of wonder and sensual possibility, when they devote so little time or energy to their care. So many of them barely pull out the watering can on the weekend, and then look around years later and judge that their relationship is “not working,” as if love and passion can thrive on an occasional drop of attention or intention.
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