Well, carefully. Opening a woman is an art. That’s why I’ve written a book on how to open a woman’s body, mind and heart. But before this idea scares you off, know this: You already have all of the tools inside of you. In fact, the book is all about leveraging those masculine tools and gifts — so that turning up a woman’s desire for you is icing on the cake.
You can pre-order the book, due out in July, by contributing to the campaign on the right of this article with Indiegogo. You can also catch me there on video! Hope to see you as part of my tribe!

When you say, “I love you,” a question pops into your woman’s head that all women hear and want to have answered, not just once, but often: Why? Why do you love me? Why do you love me today, and why did you love me all those years ago when we met?

Sometimes she’ll outright ask it of you, and you panic. You know why you love her, but do you really need to spell it out and prove it to her? It feels like a test, and one you’re not going to pass.

Know this: Women don’t ask, “Why do you love me?” to challenge you or make you feel bad, although it can certainly feel that way. The reason women ask this is that specifics are what make love believable to us.

“I love you” doesn’t satisfy our need to be seen deeply, and appreciated, and it doesn’t satisfy our need to stand out as one of a kind r you – to be that one of a kind flower in your heart and mind.

“I love you” is beautiful and very much desired. But if you generously sprinkle in the specific whys, your woman will have a much easier time drinking in “I love you” and taking it to heart.

There are 3 key ways to say I love you with specificity:

1. What she does, as in “I love how you take care of me.”

2. Who she is, as in “I love that you’re such a creative, brilliant woman”

3. How she looks, as in “I love the radiance of your smile. It always makes me feel good.”

Get specific and you’ll notice that her trust in you and your love  will intensify, as will her desire to be close and to give to you. It’s all about being great at what you do.

By Karen Brody, All copyrights reserved. Please ask for permission to share this link.  2013

A client of mine, “Patrick” is a man dedicated to turning around his marriage.

What we’ve been dealing with is his wife’s sudden declaration that she has lost her libido. His wife assures Patrick it has nothing to do with him, but he senses it does.

They suddenly went from having a really sexy connection, over three years together, to his feeling that she has locked out of her body, mind and heart.

At first blush, it seemed that the problem was communication.

They were arguing a lot. He contacted me to figure out how they could talk, how he could open her to tell him what was going on.

I’m an expert at figuring our how communications are breaking down, so I was able to help them talk to each other, again, without fighting. But soon it became clear there was a deeper issue.

No matter how much they talked, his wife, “Leela” kept saying she didn’t want to make love because she just didn’t feel the turn on in her body.

For me, this was a red flag.

When a woman doesn’t want to be sexual, and her libido is low it’s often because she’s not feeling emotionally connected, or there is something very specific happening in bed that is turning her off.

She will say it’s her – because telling her man it’s him and what he’s doing in bed is too risky.

I asked Patrick to be specific about what was going on between them sexually. It took some pressing but he was able to admit that he had a problem with ejaculating too soon. Now, most men think this isn’t a big deal, just as Patrick did, because they’re so loving in other areas of the relationship.

In one way I’d agree that sex is not everything and what you do outside of the bedroom is often more important.

However, what men don’t understand (thinking like men) is that when you can’t take a woman where she yearns to go sexually (because you’re short-circuited by lack of control) it makes it seem that all you care about is yourself and it makes you seem not very powerful in your woman’s eyes.

Now, before you protest, see it from a woman’s point of view. If you have no control over your own body, how powerful are you going to seem to this woman who looks to you to be directional – who looks to you to honor and protect her in life?

If “I’m sorry” keeps being as far as you go to address the problem, her only way to see it is that you simply don’t care.

Most of my clients become very defensive on this point and argue that they do so much else, in bed and out to “make up for it.”

What they don’t understand is that you can’t make up for it. It’s like saying “Sorry I don’t love you, and don’t care about cultivating a deep connection with you. I’ll make it up to you later.”

The effects of this are deep and damaging – for both of you.

For many years I’ve directed my clients to Mantak Chia’s book, “The Multi Orgasmic Man.” Most of my clients have had incredible results with Chia’s protocol, and I also assigned this book to Patrick.

However, I’d always wished there was a more interactive program for men who learn auditorily or visually – and I’m excited to report, now there is!

My friend, Jim Benson, who is a Relationship Coach for Men, (a very wise teacher with great integrity) has an excellent program out. If you’re struggling with this issue, trust me overcoming it will change everything for you.

You’ll get the respect and desire you’ve always wanted in bed, and overcome your woman’s loss of “libido.”

Don’t be like most men who try to do this on their own or tell yourself this is a test to see how much she loves you. It will only continue to diminish your woman’s trust and desire for you.

I’ve met ONE out of thousands of men in my coaching practice, who succeeded at this without some kind of training.

Here’s the video you can watch to learn more and see if this is a fit for you: http://bit.ly/13XrDcf

I’m excited about this program because it’s so much more than mechanics. It teaches you how to not only make love as long as you’d like, but to deeply connect in a way that stimulates your woman’s love, trust and desire for you. I wish you the best!

Your woman isn’t going to tell you this, but if she’s like most women I counsel, she wishes you were a little more aggressive, edgy and even dangerous in bed.

I’m aware that many of you have spent 10, 20 or even 30 years trying to refine the animal impulse you in you. Thing is, when we wanted men to be less aggressive, it wasn’t in bed.  We wanted our emotions respected and tended to. We wanted empathy, tenderness and appreciation. Over time you gave us these experiences. What we didn’t ask was that you become passive and disconnected from your sexual passion. And yet, when that happened we didn’t know what to do.

How do you say to a man, make me yours? Claim my body. Rip my clothes off; take me and fill me?

It’s not more sensitivity and more refinement of that perfect stroke that women tell me they crave. It’s a man who’s confident to both please a woman and take what he wants from her — a man who can act powerfully and confidently on his passion. Instead most men are overly dependent on “directions” and asking permission.

Don’t mistake what I’m saying for pushing for more sex and the same old routine. Rather this is about animating that aspect of you that was once guided by what you saw, smelled and felt. Open your eyes, use your nose and your feelings, and let what you feel be a feast. And please, make some noise.

If you’re like most men that I work with, your habit has been to focus solely on what your woman wants and to close off to your own body. This is only part of the picture. It’s great to tune into her,  but you must also tune into the waves of your own passion. Give her a taste of what you feel, by transferring that feeling through sound and touch. What a woman wants is to know, unequivocally, is that you desire and crave her.

Yes, we want you to care and to be sensitive in bed. But we want that balanced off of the Dark Knight energy in you –the man who is unafraid of his passion and where it takes him, who can both crest his own pleasure and direct it into the woman he loves.

Karen Brody, copyright 2012 All rights reserved. For reprint permission, contact the author, or simply use a link to this site.

Approach her Shamelessly

In my research on what drives couples apart sexually, I’ve discovered that women have a highly-attuned sense of when a man feels confident sexually and when he doesn’t, and it greatly affects her desire for him.

If you’re approaching a woman feeling bad or wrong about wanting sex, she feels that energetic. It seems as if you’re hiding something. And in a sense you are, you’re hiding the fact that you want sex because you feel bad and wrong.

If you feel bad and wrong how is that going to make her feel? It’s not a compelling sexual space, that’s for sure. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s no better way to find out what a woman  wants in bed (or somewhere else!) than to ask her directly. What a concept!

AskMen.com did just that. Relationship Correspondent Isabella Snow reports the full RESULTS here:

Who’s In Charge?

It might surprise you to learn that of the women who responded to the AskMen.com survey, their number three fantasy was FANTASY “rape.”

Let’s be absolutely clear that a rape fantasy is nothing like criminal rape. Women (at least mentally healthy women) have no desire to be hurt or violated. A rape fantasy is about being relieved of choice, essentially being  “forced” to experience pleasure.

Why would a woman want to be relieved of her sexual choice?

Women can harbor a mountain of residual guilt about sex – guilt dished up by our religious upbringing, by our parents and their hang-ups, by a culture that says, “be sexy girls, but don’t have sex.”

Essentially women are raised to be the sexual “gatekeepers” of virtue. Whether we like it or not, it’s our “job” - and a thankless job, too.

I can remember, even as a young girl, boys pressing me hard to be sexual with them. That pressure, and my own sexual desires, created the incredibly difficult challenge of balancing the hand of moral judgment with the pressing urges of young love.

It’s not uncommon for the same boy who presses for sex and urges a girl to loosen her social restraints to tell his friends that she was  “easy.” Sometimes the choices that girls make for love or pleasure are crushing in their social consequences.

We women have been trained to not only expect this double standard, but we have adapted by learning to seem as if we don’t want sex or don’t like sex — to seem as if we’re not choosing sex, but succumbing to it. Think of the woman who silently lies there as you make love to her, unknowingly wreaking havoc on your ego. By not saying a word, or making a pleasurable sound, she can enjoy sex secretly, and maintain her image as a “good girl.”

So a rape fantasy is, therefore, the perfect antidote to a woman’s sexual restraint.

There is no right choice or wrong choice when a powerful, all-knowing lover “forces” pleasure on a woman, when he “makes” a woman do those things she wants to do. There’s no violation of morals. No way to be judged as “bad” or “wrong.”

Often, powerful men too fantasize about being sexually dominated, as a means to surrender control.

Fulfill Her Fantasies

You can learn a lot about a woman’s secret sexual “landscape” by unraveling her fantasies.

How can you, as a man, use this information to turn a woman on and to help her tap into her own deepest desires?

Most importantly, do NOT enact a rape scene without her consent!

Begin by having a conversation with her about her fantasies. Allow her to reveal whatever fantasies she’s willing to talk about first, which will likely be fantasies that she feels are the least “threatening” and most socially acceptable. Ask her to share them with you in detail, so you don’t have to guess, and don’t “get it wrong” when the two of you fulfill one or more of her fantasies.

As she becomes more comfortable and more confident in you and in herself, you can encourage her to share more fantasies. At some point when you know she has trust in you, you can ask her if she’s ever had a rape fantasy. Not all women have this fantasy, so don’t press if it’s not there. But if she does, ask her about the details. What does her lover say? How does he take her? What is it about how he takes her that really turns her on? Does he tie her up? Hold her hands down? Tell her what she must do?

Your discussion may or may not lead to her agreement to act it out. If she wants to keep it as a mental fantasy, only, simply honor that. If, however, she feels comfortable enough to act it out with you, then plan it with sensitivity, so that it unfolds in a satisfying way for both of you.

Be Willing to Take Charge

I’ve noticed a trend toward men becoming less and less aggressive in bed, and becoming more and more sensitive to women and to what they desire.

This is good news and bad news. Good in that you’re “listening’ and attuning, and bad in that you’re throwing out your masculine edge. I can’t tell you how many women reveal to me that they wish their lovers were more aggressive in bed.

Women want men who can be sensitive and loving, and in this regard the more that you can be sensitive and loving, the better.

But women also want to be captured and taken by the wild, unbridled, even dangerous part of you. They want to feel your raw hunger –that part of you that drives you to rip her clothes off and penetrate her into oblivion. I also know that many of you men want this too.

The more you aren’t a “gentleman” the less she has to be a “lady.”

Now don’t confuse a woman’s desire to let go of her sexual control and have you exert yours for a woman wanting a sex hound. Being sexually needy is very different from being sexually powerful. Hunger comes from instinct, while need comes from a perception of lack.

How to Tap Into Your Edge

Here’s a potent visualization and practice that will help you bring the relationship of sexual power into perspective, that also helps you learn how to merge your heart and your edge:

Imagine your penis as an incredible wand of healing light – potent and loving.

Imagine penetrating your woman so deeply and lovingly with your wand of light, with so much fierce and wild abandon that you blow her heart and her joy wide open. Be focused like a tiger, certain like an eagle, wise like a wolf throughout.

This practice will center you in the power and the certainty that you need, to not only be her fantasy rapist, but also to be her deepest lover. A woman wants, simply, to surrender into love and pleasure. Your clarity and certainty of purpose, as her lover, helps make that possible.

Play with your edge. But also keep your sensitivity. This is the beauty of making love in contrast, with depth and interest.

All Contents International Copyright Karen Brody 2010. All International Rights Reserved. Contact the author for permission to reprint, or simply link to this article here.

Nice guys. You believe you’re different from other men. You’re not just after sex like the other guys. You care, really you do.

And it shows. You listen. You do sweet things. You go out of your way to demonstrate it’s more than sex you want.

But in the end it’s sex you want, and, what’s frustrating is you don’t get much. You get relegated to the “friends” category a lot.

Nice guys do finish last and not because they’re nice. It’s because they are acting as if they’re not really men.

Somewhere along the line men got the idea that if they could just squeak by as “not really men,” they’d get more women to trust them and more sex.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because women do want men. And they happen to be sexually attracted to men who act like men and feel like men.

Granted, women have been hurt by men and don’t like men who are only after sex, but they are still attracted to men, nonetheless.

When you pretend to not be sexually interested, she can’t feel you as a man. She can’t feel a sexual attraction. Your sex has gone under the radar.

Know that a woman wants to be sexually desired. And, as long as you’re clear and upfront and don’t hide your sexual intent, she’ll trust you. You don’t have to seem sexless to gain her trust.

It’s pretending you’re not interested in sex, or that you just want to be her friend that breeds mistrust. Be expressive of how you desire her and are turned on by her, and also that you enjoy and “get” who she is. This is a winning formula!

All Contents International Copyright Karen Brody 2010. All International Rights Reserved. Contact the author for permission to reprint, or simply link to this article here.